The quest to annoy the author
by The Wolf's Pen
Summary: A story when all the character tries to... ANNOY ME
1. Crazy, just crazy

Guess what, this computer will blow up if you read my story. Beware...

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Has your computer blown up yet? ...

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By the way I don't own anything I mean anything or everything if that's what you want.  
  
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Hermione Granger was exactly the same as was she was five years ago, she was twenty-two years old, she works for – 'I DON'T WORK FOR ANYONE, I WORK FOR MYSELF, I AM –,' that was Hermione, please just wait a minute.

(Screaming and bashing around in the background, the world shakes.)  
  
'Thankyou for your patience,' that's me.  
  
So I'll continue with her story. She was the same as ever (Hermione grumbles behind me) same bushy hair which she layered just now, apart from that she was the same, very straight, very plain. She was a teacher in Hogwarts and the Head of Magical Defence and Research. Yes, she was the same as ever and she had an unhealthy taste for books and pies. Sigh.  
  
'HEY!!! IT'S ME. Ginny Weasley. Remember MMMEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!,' that must have the one and only Ginny. Please just wait maybe two minutes.  
  
(The world shakes, the sound of tables and chairs being thrown around and crashing and thumping, Hermione rolls into a ball and whimpers)  
  
'Very sorry for the interruption,' that's me again.  
  
Now Hermione had very busy life getting filthy rich, well trying to be filthy rich, Harry and Ron were Aurors but their lives might come later for let us ignore them and – 'HOW DARE YOU IGNORE US, !#$%&!#$%&!!!!!!!!!!,' Harry and Ron are very annoying. Just wait and if you're bored be free to lie down and drive a knife... in your hair (if you have any).  
  
(Yelling and screaming, windows being broken, punching and the house collapse around them and Harry and Ron fall out from a hole in the ceiling)  
  
'I WANT MY BLOODY STORY TO CONTINUE SO SSHHHHUUUTTT UUUPP!!!!!!!!!!' that's me angry. Just then an Elven army of ten thousand strong with Legolas (obviously coming to annoy me) leading, hear this and say in perfectly rehearsed unison.  
  
'Sure man, it's just like, yo, rite man we'll party back in our hot palaces, dude, sweet,' ......weird absolutely weird, that's the Elven army. They ...go away.  
  
Legolas decided to go crazy. 'But WHY is the RUM gone?' that was Legolas. Jack Sparrow jumps out of the ground and says... 'That's my line,' he disappears.  
  
I will ignore them, Hermione was twenty-two years old, a teacher in Hogwarts, Head of Magical Defence and Research, she exactly the same as she was five years ago. It was Sunday, a resting day for Hermione her only day off (and also for a thousand million other wizards too). She usually slept on her day off and then would rest the whole day. But while she slept she had a dream of...black things, black screens and black eyelids.  
  
Her next day at work she bumped in a wall, the next day she fell over the table, the next day she found hands after panicking about no being able to find them, the next day she bumped into Draco Malfoy, the next day, hey wait a minute, right, she bumped into Draco Malfoy, they started a Laughing Contest. Several people signed up and they both got heaps of money and acted civilly, the next day she bumped into Draco Malfoy. Catastrophe. 'Malfoy...' she smiled evilly 'your shoelaces are untied.'  
  
'Granger...' he smiled evilly 'I like doughnuts.' They walked away.  
  
Hermione bumped into Draco Malfoy the next day. 'Granger, how long was it since you grew that tooth of yours, oh dear its still there,' he smiled evilly.  
  
'Malfoy, I still see that ferret painted across your face,' she smiled evilly.  
  
Something clicks. The director jumps up.  
  
'Cut, that was terrific turn the lights back on, lets just try that one more time I have to get this movie right,' said the director  
  
'Ok,' D and H says  
  
'Granger, how long was it since you grew that tooth of yours, oh dear its still there,' he smiled evilly.  
  
'Malfoy, I still see that ferret painted across your face,' she smiled evilly.  
  
'Cut, good, good,' the director says.  
  
After that shoot Draco decided to lie down and drive a knife... in his hair. So Hermione... went home to have a shower and sorted out some papers.  
  
Sauron sent an army of orcs to my house. 'Annoy the author, annoy the author,' chanted the orcs. 'REALLY I CAN'T EVEN WRITE A DECENT PAGE OF WRITING WITHOUT YOU PEOPLE BARGING IN!!!!!!#$%&' that's me extremely angry 'YOU MIGHT AS WELL DO THE TURKISH DANCE!!!'  
  
So the orcs said 'Ok.' They started dancing and Sauron was the DJ.  
  
'Hey you left me out!' screamed Dumbledore and he started dancing like crazy, the music (source unknown) became a slow romantic dance. The orcs started to dance slowly, you could almost say they were gay. Dumbledore was dancing with an invisible force called a very dainty name Air. Sauron was tragically playing the violin.  
  
How do other people write good stories, no fair!!#$%&  
  
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Very sorry for the annoying character being drunk and not being themselves, very sorry.  
  
Review and you will get more craziness or if you ask for romance, mystery, action/adventure, humour, angst or would you like to go on strike either way I will ... keep on ... shooting animals at home...with a camera. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


	2. Weird, just weird

The wackiness continues...  
  
Thankyou all that reviewed me, but even though this story is my creation, sadly the story is not. Confusing really. So what I mean is that ... um ...that I don't own the characters but I own the character's personalities, cause I made their personalities totally weird!!!!#$%%$##$%  
  
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'Switch the story from Hermione!' shouted some random elves. Hermione shook her fist at them. Meanwhile, Harry and Ron were playing wizard's chess with the Gondorian army split in half behind each of them, shouting to move the knight left or to kill the pawn and a thousand different little, insignificant, petty, unimportant moves.  
  
'Never!' shouted back Hermione 'I am the main character and no one; I said no one has the right to take away the gift of the main character from mmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.'  
  
'Then let the author decide,' said Gandalf. He looked around for my face, he looked up, looked down, looked behind, and looked at his side. I wasn't there. The one thing he forgot was the other side. 'Only a proper debate may settle this matter,' I said. A stage appeared and a wooden floor with a thousand chairs. There on both sides were four chairs and a small table for the chairs person with her/his bell. He (yes it's a he, his name is Haldir)  
  
'I now introduce the first speaker on the defensive side, Herm... um ... mi... can't pronounce- uh, Her-mi-o-ninny Granger. Hermione glared at him and stood up.  
  
'Our topic today is to keep ME as the main role of this story. Firstly, I would like to say that for long have I been on the topics of many fanfics, I have served in romance, action/adventure, mystery, humour and so many more, yet this magnificent story I only wish to do the same, did not the author choose ME to be the first topic. That is very obvious. Thank you.' Hermione sat down with a determined look on her face.  
  
'I would now like to introduce the first speaker, Pippin, of the other side,' said Haldir.  
  
'Hello everyone! I vote that we should make me the topic of the story,' Pippin danced a little and sang 'I've been slapped on the face by Gandalf, And killed a couple of yrchs. Yet fool of a took I am still, I can't play the fiddle But who cares I don't care All I want is FFFFFFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDD And to smoke a pipe with Merry, Did you not know that my feet stink!!!' sang Pippin. He bowed and everyone clapped.  
  
'The second speaker, um, uh, um, uh Her-mi-o-ninny Granger,' stumbled Haldir.  
  
'Well, I would just like to point out some faults in your speech –,' Hermione was interrupted.  
  
'Time's up,' said Haldir constantly ringing his bell.  
  
'Now for the second speaker of the other side, Legolas,' said the conscious of the Haldir.  
  
'Good morning everyone, I am Legolas, I like my bow and arrows so you should make me the topic of the story. Thankyou.' Legolas skipped to his chair and skippily sat down. Hermione Granger slapped him. He slapped her back. She huffed and continued with her speech from before (you realise that she's the only one in the defensive team).  
  
'Hey I heard that, anyway I was just telling you the properties of the fungus weed, it can also cure warts on toads and briefly for an hour it can make you fly, but this kind of weed is very rare –,' Hermione Granger was again interrupted because several hobbits began to fly.  
  
'NextstoryisAragornandArwen,' said Haldir.  
  
'Good afternoon everyone, long have we been the main romance for Lord of the Rings, even though we may have made you puke, we have become the main role and it is only proper for us to be the main role of this story. Thankyou,' said Arwen and Aragorn in perfect unison.  
  
The stage disappeared and all trace of debating disappeared. Who won? Pippin.  
  
,.;:':;.,,.;:',.;:',.;:',.;:',.;:',.;:':;.,  
  
Peregrin Took. The fool –  
  
'That is perfect grammatical sense, that is correct,' said Gandalf.  
  
'Is not,' said Pippin.  
  
'Is too,' argued Gandalf.  
  
'Is not,' said Pippin.  
  
...  
  
...The fool. Yet that fool, curly blonde haired hobbit was the in the fellowship, that fool killed Witch King (Pippin touches his heart and holds up his chin, feeling proud) and it was also he who threw the bucket or stone down the well in Moria, which resulted in Gandalf nearly getting killed and Frodo, Sam, Aragorn, Legolas, Merry and himself getting immensely despaired. It was all Pippin's fault. Then it was he who looked into the Palantir and revealed himself the Sauron but saved Gandalf from looking into it himself therefore revealing all things he knew (Pippin bows his head in shame).  
  
So now officially the story is about Pippin not Hermione anymore. Hermione sulks in the background but Pippin jumps with joy. Hermione tackles him down, do consider that Pippin is only half her size. I leave them be.  
  
Oh my heavens! I haven't been annoyed. Thank the Valar for their kindness upon me.  
  
Oh shoot! Now the death eaters have come to annoy me with Voldemort leading. They advance upon me with malicious masks attached to their ugly faces.  
  
'I ain't ugly,' yelled Lucious. I slapped him on the back.  
  
'Breathe, dude, have some of my avocados, grew them in my own garden, they're just sweet,' I said. Lucious took a bite of it  
  
'Totally,' was the reply.  
  
'Hey I was some avocado too,' said Crabbe.  
  
'Avocados, up for grabs,' I shouted. Everyone dived for them, getting avocado all over themselves, except for me who can never be stained or become dirty. Voldemort however... was holding three avocados grovelling his face into them. Then Arwen appeared and shrieked.  
  
'Aragorn's and daddy's being mean, they won't give me avocados,' she shrieked. I sighed and gave her an avocado. Once again I have failed to avoid being annoyed.  
  
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Thankyou everyone who reviewed me, you have made me very happy. Please review. I beg of you.  
  
No button was made to be pressed, all that isn't, dusts to be gone and forgotten  
  
Everyone I love LOTR, and POTC and HP and those quotes about life and logic, they are so cool but Dim Dim knows them all. 


	3. Random, just random

Remember Chapter 2...  
  
Well, this is Chapter 3.

(Own nothing)[How many times must I say this?]

{Dunno}  
  
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So right, the story's on Merry. Or was it Legolas? It could be Frodo you know. Or some weirdo called Galadriel.  
  
(Galadriel just slapped me, I take that back)  
  
The most beautiful maiden called Galadriel.  
  
(Now I have Galadriel's favour again)  
  
It could also be Aragorn, you notice that he never washes his hair, unlike Legolas who loves his blonde hair like a girl.  
  
... Bash, Wham, Thump  
  
(Oh yeah, they just HAD to beat me up) ... (They glare at me) (Fine I TAKE THAT BACK)  
  
... Uh, the most dashing elf and man in the Middle-earth. (Gawd!)  
  
(They nod with approval)  
  
Now to the story (it's Merry by the way).  
  
It was three years since the Scouring of the Shire, and Merry was very famous by this time, his unnatural tallness and his brave (and hungry[for food]) manner.  
  
(Whistling and cheering for Merry in the background, I mean seriously, SHUT UP)  
  
Merry, 'Why is everything so quiet.'  
  
Me, 'I told them to shut up.'  
  
Merry, 'Oh.'  
  
Having lost quite a lot of weight in the war, he became as fat as he was in the Prancing Pony, where he drank, humph, not mentioning.  
  
Just then Merry shouted 'But WHY is the rum gone?!' and Harry slapped him on the face, hard. Then Merry came back to his senses. Then Hermione slapped me for absolutely not reason.  
  
I slapped her back.  
  
She slapped me back.  
  
I slapped her back.  
  
She slapped me back.  
  
I shouted 'AUTA MIQUILA ORQU.'  
  
She shouted 'STUFF YOUR FACE IN A PILE OF DUNG.'  
  
All this for absolutely no reason at all.  
  
Sigh  
  
There can never be a second where I am not annoyed.  
  
Sigh  
  
#%#  
  
It was winter and Merry was longing for an adventure, so he accompanied by Dumbledore and Gandalf to Gondor. There he found Faramir in deep conversation with his apple. While he talking to the apple, Eowyn behind him was fighting off a huge army of Uruks and Dementers sent from Morgoth and Voldemort. Aragorn was attempting to fly and jumped off the highest tower. Arwen below ran around in frantic circles, ready to catch him. Aragorn jumped off. Arwen caught him and smacked his buttocks for being a naughty king.  
  
'Naughty king, you should be you mouth washed out for that,' scolded Arwen.  
  
'Plewf, forgiwe we, I widn't meaw it, plewf,' pleaded Aragorn, he was his knees crying like a baby, pathetic. Arwen washed his mouth with hot chilli sauce.  
  
'Grarraghajgrrrrgagppyippyippahhhhhh!!!' said Aragorn, his face was bright red and ran around in circles. Arwen just walked away.  
  
Goodness!  
  
Sigh  
  
It is about time I stop all this randomness but otherwise you would be left with this:  
  
...  
  
Meanwhile, with Eowyn she had received a gash and got a bit of her hair snipped off (much to her horror). As for Merry he joined in with Eowyn, just being brave. Faramir was now up to explaining how the toiletry system in Gondor worked, the poor apple just patiently listened. Oh dear! We forgot poor Gandalf and Dumbledore. They were busy showing off their fire working skills, only Dumbledore cheated he bought Fred and George's fireworks. There were huge arrays of bursting flowers and dragons, mini flashes and explosions that continued for hours on end, ships and wizards and people and arrows shooting orc (evil laugh), waterfalls and legions of noisy noise and exploding explosions.  
  
'Shut up with that annoying racket!' sneered (or rather shouted, or it could be smirked, or jeered, what about yelled, nope too well used... oh what the hell [what about drawled]{SHUT UP}) Draco Malfoy.  
  
Did they even notice the blonde-white, headed, skinny, oily, mean, small, wiry (that's beginning to sound like Gollum) boy? No, they just had to ignore him. So Luscious came to the rescue.  
  
'STOP THAT OR I'LL GET VOLDEMORT TO AVADO KEDIARVERA, or was it Avadi Kedio.?. Maybe it could be Avada Kedrava. That's definitely wrong. Just wait. Hey! I know this just ...' Luscious had a debate with himself on how pronounce Avada Kedrava. Draco rolled his eyes.  
  
'AVADA KEDRAVA, YOU DEATH EATER WHO CAN'T PRONOUNCE AVADO KEDIARVERA, hmm, I just said it, I'm sure it could be Avadi Kedio? Or what, thinking right now...' Luscious fell down dead while Voldemort tried to remember how to pronounce Avada Kedrava. Draco rolled his eyes. Twice.  
  
I must clear things up.  
  
But... (Everything and everyone freezes and grows silent, eerie music and newspapers fly across the orcs v.s. Eowyn and Merry battle zone)  
  
'I am the author, and I am more powerful than all of this fanfic!' I say majestically. I lower my glasses and look at all the characters (problem is I can't see without my glasses) 'I can bring back the dead, something that not even Morgoth can do, and I can say the word 'diversion' better than Legolas. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Anyway, it is my role to write and control this story when needed most.' Everything starts moving again.  
  
'AND!' everything freezes, I continue 'in this case there is criminal insanity on the loose and a little randomness but I am kind I shall only, and only SHUT THE FIREWORKS UP FOR PETE'S AND EVERYONE'S SAKE!!!'  
  
Everything starts going back into action. Dumbledore and Gandalf are having tea party.  
  
'This is my new dolly called Daisy, this is my favourite doll and she's got a special name, Mary,' gabbled Gandalf.  
  
'Well, this is my teddy called Drool, and he always drools but everyone says that the drool comes from my mouth, aren't they crazy, anyway this is my 2000 year-old Barbie, it was the new-version in the Stone Age, I gave her a name and it's totally funky, Stone, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA,' drooled Dumbledore, a gob of spit popped from his mouth and landed on Snape's back.  
  
'Hello, I am the potion's master,' said Snape. He went off with Draco to Sauron on how to mutate elves.  
  
Five hours later, the report on their progress by Sauron  
  
Severus Snape

_Snape has been excellent in handling elves in the most gruelling way possible. He has been very intent and listening when I explained how the torturing process worked and wrote a wonderful essay on the best way to mutate elves. When mutating the elves he worked very efficiently and fast, and eventually succeeded in making a whole new species of orcs. Anticipation in class- A Homework- A Final result- A Overall- A  
_  
Draco Malfoy

_ Draco has been very enthusiastic, and has been very high in his work. There are still some faults as he tends to hurry and is impatient to mutate elves, though I have no opposition with this it disturbed his overall mark. His homework has been quite average which is ok because of his age and lack of intelligence (compared to me of course), When doing the final steps of mutating actual elves exceeded highly above average. He managed to make a new species of Uruks which could detect any flesh of elves and men from legions away through only their fingernails.  
_  
Anticipation in class- A- Homework- B Final Result- A Overall- A  
  
Merry just got killed by an orc.  
  
I blinked. Merry came back to life with all energy and filled with green cordial.  
  
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More to come... And I shall have a proper plot (the story is just... random) sooooonnnnnnn ... ... .

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.. Review or review. They are the only choices. Maybe you could give me a million bucks buuuttttttt... not really probable, you can if you want.


	4. A short chapter and a cliffhanger

I still don't have a proper plot, review with some ideas, I NEED INSPIRATION PEOPLES, I-N-S-P-I-R-A-T-I-O-N!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
I don't own the story except for the randomness of the story and the characters, so what I mean is that I don't own any of J.R.R Tolkien's works or J.K Rowling's works or stuff related to POTC that mysteriously appeared  
  
Now I shall start with Chapter 4. (I think) It will be short and you will have cliffhanger

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'MERRY!' I shouted 'AND EVERYONE ELSE APART FROM THE APPLE (as you remember, Faramir was making a very interesting conversations with) AND THE BUILDINGS AND THE ORCS.' The orcs groaned, they got out some paper and pencils and started drawing flowers, and their views of baby Legolas.  
  
Meanwhile with Merry and everyone else apart from the apple and the buildings and the orcs... in some place else which I am going to describe you right, ok, 5, 4, 3, 2, NOW  
  
'WWWWWEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEE TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOO–' I announced.  
  
'Ok we get the point, put Caps lock off will you, it's hard to understand,' said Aragorn. Everyone nodded in agreement and started towards me to whack my head. I blinked and they froze.  
  
'Fine then, welcome my fellow idiots, you have just arrived your destination, the place where all the magic, scars and quidditch against silver-headed meanies and red-haired cowards started, HOGWARTS. This is the one place where the famous Harry Potter accidentally tripped over his feet, where he stuffed his face with food, accidentally cursed himself and where he forgot his homework; these famous deeds have been done in this very castle that we are standing in now. Now for our Headmaster to guide us... if he is here,' I said.  
  
Then Professor Dumbledore came running, huffing and puffing and breathed out 'Must ... not ...eat burnt toast again... burps,' said Professor Dumbledore 'toilet.' He rushed away clutching his backside.  
  
'Look! It's a table full of food!' shouted Sam in delight, he ran as fast as his fat, short legs could carry him, his clothes flying out behind him and his curly hair bouncing with every footstep, he plumped himself on a chair at the Hufflepuff table while a couple if young witches and wizards were looking at him as if he were some kind of hobbit, he ate and filled his mouth chicken and all different sorts of yummy food. Only a second later Merry and Pippin joined him, only they went onto the teacher's table, pushing off Professor Sprout and Severus Snape.  
  
'What the – ' Sprout and Snape said in unison.  
  
Two hours later...  
  
Care of Magical Creatures with the Gryffindor and Slytherin classes, Hagrid teaching  
  
'Why are these weird people doing here, a dude with pointed ears with blonde hair like me, another guy who has absolutely no sense of fashion, a hot lady with pointy ears, a couple of short guys who are older than me. And of course Harry Potter and he has just lost his glasses and crawling around like a maniac when his glasses are on his head sigh, THIS IS A NICE WORLD YOU'VE CREATED, FREAKIN' AUTHOR,' shouted Draco.  
  
And then drum roll ... I became angry. I blinked hard and snapped my fingers and toes. Lightning flashed, thunder roared and rain lashed down.  
  
'Com' on, everyone, IN TH' BLOODY HUT!' commanded Hagrid and everyone readily obeyed. Though Draco didn't want to go in Hagrid's hut he didn't want his hair wet so he went in Hagrid's hut  
  
And then everyone looked at Draco and gasped!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

A CLIFFHANGER! (I know it's predictable, flame me if you want but I shall have no heed to thy warnings and bloody insults)  
  
I NEED INSPIRATION, I NEED MORE REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Make sure you review and give me some ideas and criticism, not just 'that is good' or 'OMG! That was so good' Something more critical please, and more detailed. 


	5. A really short chapter

The boys backed away and started vainly to climb the walls (no luck there) at the sight of Draco's face. Girls just fainted dead away, jumped back to life and screamed.  
  
'What's wrong with my face!' yelled Draco. The class and Hagrid just fearfully blubbered, and pointed. He snatched a mirror from a girl and screamed, he saw ...

* * *

ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER! Guess what atrocious face that Draco's face has turned into.  
  
...

...  
  
I know you hate me for this. REVIEW, even though this is such a short chapter, a big piece of rubbish but hey! REVIEW! You haven't given me any criticism yet, nor any inspiration either. I'm very disappointed 'cause now I might not upload my next chapter. What I would like in my reviews: Nice comments (of course please) Point out any criticism INSPIRATION, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS!!!!!!!! No flames Thankyou all that have faithfully reviewed (parody-of-an-angel, flopsycon... etc)


	6. Draco's face and really really short cha...

Ha Ha Ha!!! So you are waiting for what Draco's face looks like...  
  
Welcome to evil laugh to deep deep voice Chapter 6. MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Anywayz....

* * *

There on Draco's face, right in the middle of his forehead was the most unbelievable thing you could you ever think of. It was so alien, so grotesque.  
  
It was ...  
  
a...  
  
in the middle of his forehead...  
  
so unbelievable...  
  
was...  
  
a...  
  
A BIG, RED, SORE PIMPLE!!! Smack in the middle of his forehead, he couldn't hide it... he couldn't smooth his hair over it... he broke down, crawled to the corner and sobbed miserably. He hid his face in his hands in shame. Then he crawled to my feet, then realised it was Gandalf's feet and crawled to another pair of feet and started kissing it, then he realised it was Frodo's feet and writhed in disgust. Finally, he did come up to my feet and begged for forgiveness. 

'Please, please... don't do this to me,' croaked Draco.

'MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! I AM EVIL. THE PIMPLE MIGHT STAY BUT I WILL WAIT FOR MY FELLOW REVIEWERS TO DECIDE!!!!!' I cried with triumph.

* * *

I know it's short. Sorry.

Review saying if you feel sorry for him or not... then I will count the number of votes and decide.  
  
So this time in the reviews I want 

1.Reviews

2. Inspiration

3. Criticism

4.Whether you want to be brutal and have Draco's pimple gone or be brutal and have Draco's pimple stay

5. Your compliments

6. No flames


	7. Off to the Shire

Sorry for not updating faster...

* * *

'I've decided at last,' I said 'that pimple of yours can stay.'  
  
Draco crept away, dejected, as for the others they soon recovered and started manically laughing.  
  
'That, ha ha, was, ha ha, so, ha ha, fun- ha ha, ny, ha ha,' laughed Hermione, the others (the witches and wizards) were something along the lines of that, except for Ron.  
  
'Yap hi Doodle, hey, ho merry dol, ha, yip, ho, WA!' shouted Ron and it wasn't. The reason: Legolas was strangling him for stealing his shampoo, Ron handed Legolas his shampoo with shaking hands and crawled away whimpering.  
  
'MY SHAMPOO! WHO DARES STEAL MY SHAMPOO!' commanded Legolas. Everyone froze and glared at Legolas with glaring eyes... they stared,  
  
And stared,  
  
And stared,  
  
Eyes watered,  
  
And stared,  
  
And Legolas stared back,  
  
An hour later...  
  
They star–  
  
'Really this is ridiculous,' said Gandalf.  
  
Legolas pouted. And the spell of staring at Legolas broke.  
  
,.;:':;.,  
  
Meanwhile, with Draco...  
  
He was running as fast as he could. To Hogsmeade.  
  
'Must... get... pimple... cream... and... butter... beer... with... an... umbrel... la...' panted Draco as he rushed up to a certain shop. It was called 'Beauty products for blonde haired Slytherins'.  
  
He entered and scanned the room. There were shelves of bottles of ... stuff. A blonde haired Slytherin (female) waltzed up towards him.  
  
'May I help you?' she said.  
  
'I need something to get rid of pimples,' panted Draco.  
  
She immediately went to the shelves and took out a small bottle. She turned around to give it to him then tripped over, (slow motion remember), her arms were spread out, and the bottle flew into the air. Draco dived for the bottle. He somersaulted. And caught the bottle in his two hands. He was on the floor.  
  
'Yes!' said Draco. He looked at the label and it read:  
  
_For blonde haired Slytherin who happened to get a pimple on their beautiful skin because of crazy authoresses. Wash your face twice everyday with this stuff. Warning: If itchiness occurs dramatically smash the bottle on the floor, fall to your knees and shout 'NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!' in a really deep voice. Do not continue using._  
  
'It was the only one left,' the blonde haired Slytherin said 'that will cost ten galleons'  
  
Draco threw the money to her and headed for the door. He skipped and laughed with glee.  
  
,.;:':;.,  
  
Hermione jumped up and shouted 'Hey look the weird people over there are LOTR people, I READ THE BOOKS AND SAW THE MOVIE'  
  
Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Gandalf, Faramir, Boromir ('Hey when did you come back to life,' questioned Pippin), Denethor (and he's not dead... he's just covered in flames), Aragorn, Arwen, Eowyn, Sauron ('Hey when did you come back to life,' questioned Frodo), Sauruman ('Hey when did you come back to life, questioned Grima), Grima, Bill (the pony), Eomer, Theoden ('Hey when did you come back to life,' questioned Merry), Glorfindel ('It was me who saved Frodo, not Arwen, she was busy polishing her nails' muttered Glorfindel), Elrond ('I made the flood, not Arwen, she was brushing her hair'), Legolas, Elladan, Elrohir, Bilbo, Galadriel, Celeborn, Treebeard ('Hey I never mentioned you, how did you get here,' I said), Gimli, Gollum ('Hey when did you come back to life,' questioned Sam) and the one and only... Haldir ('I am alive, I was not killed by some random orc, HA!' shouted Haldir), raised their eyebrows. (Oh yeah, and I forgot the random orc)  
  
Then Hermione jumped up and shouted again 'Hey look the weird people over there are LOTR people, I READ THE BOOKS AND SAW THE MOVIE'  
  
The LOTR people raised their eyebrows again.  
  
'What. The. Hell.' Said Eomer. Then Eowyn killed the random orc. That was really random.  
  
Hermione screamed and ran around in circles for five minutes...  
  
Actually for ten minutes...  
  
Then Harry slapped her and she came back to reality.  
  
'Hi, is anything wrong... did I do something crazy?' said Hermione, eyebrows furrowed. Everyone nodded.  
  
'I just realized that we've been in Care of Magical Creatures with Hagrid for five hours,' said Seamus.  
  
'Ok then, well lets get starte'' said Hagrid 'please turn 'o page 'ixty 'wo' He started explaining the properties of the fungus that looks like Fluffy. After reading a page he discovered that his class was gone, except for Bill who was chewing grass. Then he disappeared too.  
  
You see I sent them to the Shire. (Hagrid joined an hour later)  
  
,.;:':;.,  
  
Back over to Draco...  
  
Draco was in his bathroom, grinning as he washed his face with the contents of the bottle. Then he skipped to bed.  
  
When he woke up he started scratching his face.  
  
'My face is so itchy,' Draco said. Then the realization dawned on him.  
  
Draco dramatically smashed the bottle on the floor, fell to his knees and shouted 'NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!' in a really deep voice. He did not continue using the pimple remover.  
  
The next day he woke up in the Shire.

* * *

The chapter after next is going to have some really random romance.

E.g. 'Why did the chicken cross the road?' gawked Ron. 'Let me guess, because he wanted to get to the other side,' muttered Hermione. 'HA HA! That's really romantic hey!,' gawked Ron. Hermione sighed.


End file.
